| Author | Message | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Advanced Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 422 Registered: 01-2005 |
Green Mansions Redux Look down, Rima, from your cliff-top terrace, upon the arid and sun-scorched dunes where, parched in sere wind, I pant for want of you. Must I long remain in this shifting land, sterile sands sifting through my unkempt hair, alone and deranged by my thirst for you– only your name on my lips as my prayer? Rima! Summon me–one sweet liquid note. Although I grieve, my tongue a hard, dry stone, I cannot weep because I know you’re there, reclining in your lofty solitude behind the swaying silken drapery. I know a pristine spring runs happily from the cliff, rejoicing at your mere touch. Follow you, my Rima? I will, as far as love and legs will carry me, faithful always. End of my last road across the deep ravine hata blooms, sweet moonrise Denis Garrison www.dmgar.com Visit Haiku Harvest at www.haikuharvest.net Visit Loch Raven Review at www.lochravenreview.com My books are available at www.lulu.com/denismgarrison | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 4369 Registered: 07-2001 |
If this is not on the short list...I will...I don't know what but I will... The mix in styles works to the poem's advantage. In addition, you show respect for the novels. Thanks. Gary Drop in read the new MindFire, 2005's first Go in through http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ to get to the issue in a click or two. | ||
| Kathy Paupore
Advanced Member Username: kathy Post Number: 2252 Registered: 12-2003 |
Denis, nice flow to this. Felt like I was shriveling in the desert waiting for true love. The mix of styles works well.  K | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Advanced Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 424 Registered: 01-2005 |
Gary, thank you. I am glad you enjoyed this. Yes, Green Mansions is a favorite from childhood. Kathy, thanks, but please, take a drink! I did not know how a blank verse sonnet would work with a cinquain and an haiku, but it seems to, somehow. bw, Denis www.dmgar.com Visit Haiku Harvest at www.haikuharvest.net Visit Loch Raven Review at www.lochravenreview.com My books are available at www.lulu.com/denismgarrison | ||
| Emusing
Moderator Username: emusing Post Number: 1406 Registered: 08-2003 |
The theme starts on a formal scale and then winds its way skillfully into condensed Eastern reflection. I don't think I've seen that done. The juxtaposition of form is a real surprise. Couldn't find that "Hata" though. Can you help? E | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Advanced Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 426 Registered: 01-2005 |
E, I am glad you like the shape-shifter forms. My first attempt at shape-shifting. Ah, the Hata -- my precious-s-s-s! OK, here is the scoop from Green Mansions: The Hata Flower - “Once, when clambering among the rough rocks, overgrown with forest, among the Queneveta mountains, I came on a single white flower which was new to me, which I have never seen since. After I had looked long at it, and passed on, the image of that perfect flower remained so persistently in my mind that on the following day I went again, in the hope of seeing it still untouched by decay. There was no change; and on this occasion I spent a much longer time looking at it, admiring the marvelous beauty of its form, which seemed so greatly to exceed that of all other flowers. It had thick petals, and at first gave me the idea of an artificial flower, cut by a divinely inspired artist from some unknown precious stone, of the size of a large orange and whiter than milk, and yet, in spite of its opacity, with a crystalline lustre on the surface. Next day I went again, scarcely hoping to find it still unwithered; it was fresh as if only just opened; and after that I went often, sometimes at intervals of several days, and still no faintest sign of any change, the clear, exquisite lines still undimmed, the purity and lustre as I had first seen it. Why, I often asked, does not this mystic forest flower fade and perish like others? That first impression of its artificial appearance had soon left me; it was, indeed, a flower, and, like other flowers, had life and growth, only with that transcendent beauty it had a different kind of life. Unconscious, but higher; perhaps immortal. Thus it would continue to bloom when I had looked my last on it; wind and rain and sunlight would never stain, never tinge, its sacred purity; ...; even the browsing beast crashing his way through the forest, struck with its strange glory, would swerve aside and pass on without harming it. Afterwards I heard from some Indians to whom I described it that the flower I had discovered was called Hata; also that they had a superstition concerning it--a strange belief. They said that only one Hata flower existed in the world; that it bloomed in one spot for the space of a moon; that on the disappearance of the moon in the sky the Hata disappeared from its place, only to reappear blooming in some other spot, sometimes in some distant forest. And they also said that whosoever discovered the Hata flower in the forest would overcome all his enemies and obtain all his desires, and finally outlive other men by many years.” Green Mansions, page 115-116. Now everyone knows about the Hata. Good! bw, Denis www.dmgar.com Visit Haiku Harvest at www.haikuharvest.net Visit Loch Raven Review at www.lochravenreview.com My books are available at www.lulu.com/denismgarrison | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Advanced Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 427 Registered: 01-2005 |
BTW, the cinquain stanza is a 3-poem cinquain: 1. Full Follow you, my Rima? I will, as far as love and legs will carry me, faithful always. 2. Left side Follow you, I will, and always. 3. Right side Follow Rima love faithful always. These are fun to write! bw, Denis www.dmgar.com Visit Haiku Harvest at www.haikuharvest.net Visit Loch Raven Review at www.lochravenreview.com My books are available at www.lulu.com/denismgarrison | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 4376 Registered: 07-2001 |
My head would burst. Denis, the Right side seems a bit choppy to me, but I admire your talent. Smiles. Gary Drop in read the new MindFire, 2005's first Go in through http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ to get to the issue in a click or two. | ||
| Emusing
Moderator Username: emusing Post Number: 1411 Registered: 08-2003 |
Graceful hata flower please, never close yourself such miracles can sustain us daily Not sure if this is correct form (stress). Loved the hata story. It's like the illusive orchid, but far more magical. E (Message edited by emusing on August 02, 2005) | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Advanced Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 441 Registered: 01-2005 |
E, Yes, the form is right as 2-4-6-8-2 syllables; harder to count the stresses 1-2-3-4-1 without hearing it read aloud, since we all have idiosyncracies of pronunciation, enunciation, and inflection. That is one reason I count on syllables; problematical, but not nearly so much so as stresses. I love the cinquain; a lovely sentiment with a magical totem. Well done. bw, Denis www.dmgar.com Visit Haiku Harvest at www.haikuharvest.net Visit Loch Raven Review at www.lochravenreview.com My books are available at www.lulu.com/denismgarrison | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Advanced Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 452 Registered: 01-2005 |
Green Mansions Redux I. Whence is that song that lingers on the breeze? This melody once echoed emerald hills and floated on the wind past distant seas. This brilliant song that lingers on the breeze is lovelier than larks’, softer than bees’; a jungle spirit’s voice. The forest thrills! Whose song is this that lingers on the breeze? Sweet Rima’s hymn enchants these emerald hills. II. Look down, Rima, from your cliff-top terrace, upon the arid and sun-scorched dunes where, parched in sere wind, I pant for want of you. Must I long remain in this shifting land, sterile sands sifting through my unkempt hair, alone and deranged by my thirst for you– only your name on my lips as my prayer? Rima! Summon me–one sweet liquid note. Although I grieve, my tongue a hard, dry stone, I cannot weep because I know you’re there, reclining in your lofty solitude behind the swaying silken drapery. I know a pristine spring runs happily from the cliff, rejoicing at your mere touch. III. Follow you, my Rima? I will, as far as love and legs will carry me, faithful always. IV. End of my last road across the deep ravine hata blooms, sweet moonrise Denis Garrison Added a triolet to the beginning, on Rima's song. www.dmgar.com Visit Haiku Harvest at www.haikuharvest.net Visit Loch Raven Review at www.lochravenreview.com My books are available at www.lulu.com/denismgarrison | ||
| susan wiener
Member Username: susie Post Number: 90 Registered: 07-2004 |
I enjoyed this a lot! |
